Throughout my life I have always had goals of some description – to be fair I can think of at least 5 I worked towards tirelessly and then as I neared them realised it really wasn't what I wanted and so consequently set off on a new trajectory! As frustrating as it felt at the time(s) – I wouldn't change a thing. I have learnt some very important lessons by living my life, it’s made me who I am at the end of the day and as I sit here now, that’s a great place to be.
Back in December last year I was really feeling the despair of not really knowing what I wanted or where I was going. I had made choices in the recent months to allow myself to cope with all I had to manage at the time but it had meant I had walked away from a career path/company I had really bought into when I joined. It was a necessity to take the steps I did but that didn’t help me when the New Year was looming and I had no idea what it was going to hold, nor a plan round what I was going to achieve in 2012. Those who know me know I need plans or objectives to function. For me to get the most out of life and perform at the best of my abilities (without being obsessive about it) I require a plan or outline to use as a platform. The last part of 2011 I was treading water and frankly, just the fact I was doing that without a plan was drowning me!
I read an article in a magazine about “Life Coaching”, it got me thinking – maybe I need some support to identify what I want. Perhaps I should invest in myself for a change. I have to admit I was sceptical – I didn’t enter into it with any real confidence it would be the answer to my needs but I was open to the possibility it might help. I did my research and selected a coach I felt some affinity to the profile of. I made the call and was overwhelmed by the positivity and enthusiasm of the coach I didn’t hesitate to book an initial session. There is something hugely attractive to me being around positive people – if nothing else maybe I could capture some of her enthusiasm and translate that into my life!
We met first in January and over the following 3 months covered all sorts of topics. Not unlike my previous goal plans, each time we met I took the sessions off in a new direction! I have the utmost respect for my coach and her ability to keep up and remain engaged when I scupper all her planned activities for our session by introducing something off topic on each occasion! In any event it was/is exactly what I needed. With her support and employing her techniques I worked through and broke down a number of inhibiting behaviours I had adopted over the years. We identified limiting beliefs I had created as young as 13 and really wasn’t aware I was still so bound by and worked to rid myself of them. To the sceptics amongst my readers, talking of “limiting beliefs” etc. may be a bit much, but I hand on heart promise you every one of us has them and they can truly be a pain in the butt without you even realising it!
Come March I really felt I had my confidence back, I had a better idea of what made me tick and was able to outline the person I was and further who I wanted to be. We worked on defining my goals and attempting the armchair view. I had my fire back, well a small campfire, but the zest in me was there. I was motivated again. It was at this point I was approached to return to the company I had walked away from – the offer was a better position, broader possibilities for progression and I was the first choice before they went out to the market for candidates. It could not have come at a better time and I accepted without hesitation.
In April, the worst thing that could happen (as I viewed it before), happened. I was nothing short of devastated by my husbands betrayal and initially it genuinely felt like the world as I knew it had exploded and I was surrounded by debris – even the goals I had written were shredded and scattered around me. But, something interesting happened on the 4th day. I lay in bed, wide awake at 5am with eyes so sore and sunken I wasn’t sure I’d ever have a non-puffy face again and a thought popped into my head “You are worth so much more than this; you need to rely on you and get up. Do what you know works, make a plan. Put everything into that plan you would advise others to include and execute it. You can not remain in this state any longer” So…that is what I did. I started with a plan for the first week and it evolved from there. My best friend bought me a beautiful butterfly notebook and that became my little survival plan: My marriage is over – what happens next plan.
I started with the essentials: What do I need to know/do
- Work out your finances, where do you stand?
- Find a Lawyer so you can understand where you stand and what you need to do to obtain a divorce?
- Who do you need to tell about what’s happened (nearest and dearest etc.) & what message do you want to communicate
- Go to counselling asap and stick with it
- What else I needed to do to make me feel in control of my life again
- What did I need to accomplish in the next 3 weeks so I can start my new job on form and in the right mind set
I am nearing the end of my counselling also really. When I went this week I learned I was experiencing “Posttraumatic Growth” – finally an explanation of how it is ok that I feel so happy despite that life changing explosion 3 months ago.
Definition:
“Posttraumatic growth refers to positive psychological change experienced as a result of the struggle with highly challenging life circumstances. These sets of circumstances represent significant challenges to the adaptive resources of the individual, and pose significant challenges to individuals’ way of understanding the world and their place in it. Posttraumatic growth is not simply a return to baseline from a period of suffering; instead it is an experience of improvement that for some persons is deeply profound. Characteristics of Posttraumatic Growth include some of the following: greater appreciation of life, changed sense of priorities, warmer, more intimate relationships, greater sense of personal strength, and recognition of new possibilities or paths for one’s life and spiritual development.”
Now with the world of opportunity open to me and a blank canvas for my future, starting from a really positive place I need to create a new plan, what happens now I have survived and come out of it in a better position? What do I want? What will my armchair view look like? (A topic for the next entry….)
Without having completed that coaching in advance of April, I am certain I would not have been in as good a position to pick myself up, dust myself off and move on. It was extremely hard and I wouldn’t volunteer for it again, but I did it.
I will be forever grateful for having invested in myself and for the support and guidance from my wonderful coach and I am excited to work with her on my new life picture!!
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