Strong for too long...today's a sad day

I would just like to get this off my chest, today I am sad. Yes I am also tired, but I am mostly sad. I hurt and as much as I am fighting it telling myself "you shouldn't allow the hurt in yet, you should still be angry, stay angry!" I can't stay angry all the time, my minds not listening anymore, I really bloody hurt and that's all I can think and feel.

This period is inevitable I know, it's a natural next step in the cycle but the fact doesn't lessen the blow. Everything hurts, my limbs, my muscles, even my bones I think, my head aches and my heart – well, let’s not go there. I don’t hurt in the way I long for him back. I genuinely don’t want him but I miss having a person, my person, the person who wraps you up in his arms and makes it feel like it's all going to be OK because in that moment, nothing else matters, because you know you are loved. I was told today that divorce can feel a lot like bereavement; not sure I can argue with that right now.

The pain is the loss of the future I had imagined/planned and was working my ass off towards, coupled with the waste of nearly a 3rd of my life which includes all the opportunities I passed up because of him. I feel guilty for how this is affecting my family and my friends. As much as I am adamant I know I will be OK, everything is so out of my control in this limbo period, there are moments when I really struggle to see how it can all work out OK.

Today I am certain you cannot go through this time of life without it hurting like a bitch (I confess, I had been kidding myself I could escape the really bad bits). I just wish the hurt would hurry up and get out of me so I can move on!

Survival Secrets

The survival secret of the day comes from a lovely fellow divorcee who has been through this (years since) and took the time to write to me with her tips (thank you A), one of which was…

Do allow yourself "duvet days". It is acceptable to crack, all the planning, organisation, working and desperate attempts to keep yourself busy will become too much. There will be days you have no way of stopping the tears, you will cry and hurt and you do need to let it all out and likely stay in bed for the day!

A quote came to mind when reading her advice: 

"Crying doesn't make you weak, it just means you've been strong for too long" 

Too true.