#divorce, Loss of identity!!

Today was a really good day. Nothing particularly special happened externally (well the sun came out – that’s a pretty special occurrence!) but inside, I feel differently today.

I feel like I have found myself again! The person who I am inside, the core essence if you want a cheesy way of putting it! I had forgotten how good it feels to be your own person, I’m slightly unnerved by how quickly it has come around but then I am a very strong person – I’ve been tested many a time and the test in this instance is no different – in fact in many ways it is less so a test and more so an opportunity to achieve more than I had set my sights on before.

I have written several blog posts over the last week – none of which I published. I started to wonder why I wasn’t publishing them? What was it about them that didn’t sit right with me? I read them all again. They don’t sound like me – that was the issue. They were all true to the letter, written at various times (mostly the middle of the night) and were filled with the feelings and thoughts I was processing at the time – but it wasn’t me. These posts were ‘wallowing’, reliving the moments where I have been sucker-punched by reality over the last week, they were sad and most significantly they had a real sense of hopelessness. One thing I am not is someone who is hopeless. 

I am a proactive person, a fiercely independent strong individual. If you are a friend of mine and you are in a bad place, you speak to me when you are ready to do something about it – I cannot support self-perpetuating cycles of misery and despair! This was it, the eureka moment. I needed to be my own best friend last night, sit myself down, talk through all the options open to me and set a plan, baby steps at first but achievable little wins to start regaining my character, personality and essence!

Instantly I could feel myself relax and this has continued to this evening where I am writing this feeling the calmest I have in weeks. I like being me. Me is a really fun person and I missed her. I suspect others will start to see me again over the weeks to come, (one who never knew me before has certainly started to see a glimpse) but I’m not all there just yet – it will take some more time and I do appreciate there will also be sad/depressing/anxious moments to come to but so long as I have my life back, they will only be temporary I’m sure.

Survival Tips

Who is me? A glass of wine or soft beverage of your choice, a pen and a piece of paper is what you will need and then answer the following questions…add to the list of questions too, don’t worry if you don’t know all the answers…keep it with you and add to it as you remember/come across the answers. The MOST important is to make sure these answers are yours and not what you think are yours but are in fact your ex’s!! 

• What are your favourite things?
• What are your dislikes?
• What’s your favourite music?
• What food do you like?
• What does your ideal Saturday look like?
• Where do you want to travel to?
• Who/what is most important to you?
• What are your beliefs? Morals? & Values?

This is your opportunity to rediscover you. Draw yourself a new picture, get to know yourself well. Learn what brings happiness into your life now and what is negative for you. The answers to these questions could make the difference between remaining in the identity-less limbo going through divorce forces upon you or making the most of the time and stepping towards rebuilding  yourself cementing the foundations for your new confident happy life!