A little intro...

Here goes...I'm not sure I should even be writing this as I keep thinking about a statement made by a very wise friend of mine centred on how very sad it is that in this day and age, everyone's life is played out online. I agree in part, however, in this instance my aim is not to seek attention, boast, nor elicit sympathy - but provide a real life story for others who find themselves in my situation to discover and in some way I hope it may help them.

The idea only came to me when I found myself googling for other blogs in an attempt to find someone else in my situation, who has been where I have been, felt how I feel and who I hoped could provide me some guidance as to what to do next and more, confirm that it will be ok, that I will be ok!

I guess I should explain. I am in my late 20's, married for nearly 3 years and around a month ago I really felt I had a good life, everything was seemingly, at least in my mind, coming together. I even remarked at a party one evening how happy I was, that it had been a tough couple of years for my husband and I but I really felt things were on the up and how excited I was for the future. Not 12 hours later I received a text message that was to completely pull the rug from beneath my feet.

This is where I draw the line for online content, the exact details I will be keeping private but in overview my husband cheated on me, with a few different women, seemingly settling on one who he liked enough after 2.5 weeks that he decided to tell me about how he’d been unfaithful (in a text) and that our marriage was over.

I was spoon fed the whole truth over a couple of days, which may have been a good thing. I'm not sure if it had all been delivered at once a physical response of perhaps passing out or worse is likely. The drip feed effect lessened the blow somewhat as to be honest the more I found out, the less shocking it was – I was desensitised almost - that being said, I think it is wholly unacceptable to have been initiated by text and then over the phone. Boy - if you have the nuts to screw around behind your wife's back, sure as hell have the meatballs to front it out face to face.  Particularly as in my situation - he didn't want to reconcile, said he would never be able to live with himself, it would drive him crazy (notice it’s all about him - bit of a running theme I'm afraid, my husband’s true colours have shown him to be a very self-centred individual) in my mind he had nothing to lose telling me face to face.

So there you are. It's a shocker, to be fair I think I'm still in shock but each day the reality of it and the pain creeps in, little by little. I sometimes wish I was a very emotional person, that I could cry it out, scream and break things and work through it that way. Sadly I'm not. Crying annoys me as it makes my eyes hurt and puffy so it's obvious to the world what you've been doing. Although I now live alone (he left at my request) I do have two little cats who are frightened to death by me sneezing, I think screaming might do their little nerves in! And as for breaking things, I live alone, so guess who would have to clear it up and replace the items?? Yes moi and frankly I can't be arsed.

For me, it's going to be months of quietly processing what happened. You learn a lot about a person when they are no longer in your life, you hear stories from friends and family of previous behavior that rings alarm bells now, but that's the beauty of hindsight. Even if I had been told these things prior to this last month I'm not sure I would've given them as much consideration. You see I loved my husband to pieces, more than I loved myself and yes, despite being a higher achiever/earner everything I did I did for us. I was investing in our future so we could live happily for a long time. I really thought he was a wonderful person, a bit easily led at times but genuinely had a heart of gold. Equally all our friends and family (his and mine) believed this too - he had us all. It's amazing how a person can be so manipulative and incredibly clever with it.

In any event, here I am a just over a month on. Not sure day to day what I will feel. I wish I could skip the painful bit, I'm ok with anger, denial and the occasional hint of acceptance - it’s the miserable and pure pain phases that wash over me I could do without.

There are a few things I am thankful of however:

1. We have no kids (thank god, I don't know how people do this with children)
2. He's removed himself from contact with all my friends and family so I'm free of him almost entirely once the divorce is finalised.
3. I have learnt what amazing and supportive parents, best friends, extended network of friends, family and colleagues I have around me - I am truly thankful for this - not sure I'd be so together without them!
4. I will be fine.

I am not the one who has lost everything; I am more than capable of making a very good life for myself without him. I am also damned sure he doesn't get to take anything else away from me, not my confidence/self-esteem, not my money and certainly not my love. I am also sure one day I will be able to give him forgiveness but that is a LONG way off. Not so much because of what he's done, more his behaviour around it. Let's just say he's a social network attention user and has daily broadcasts of his life and indiscretions for all to see which is frankly cruel, disrespectful, insensitive and selfish.

Hmm having re-read this, I'm not sure how helpful the first entry is! Oh well, let's call it an intro and I will make sure the next remains true to reality and has a positive helpful guide mixed in! Before I go, I do have some advice…

Survival Secrets

The first survival secret I have to share, 3 daily GOLDEN rules:

1. Get up – at the alarm, every day - NO lying in bed – it will do nothing but make you miserable.
2. Shower, get dressed and put on your makeup -  If you cry it all off – who cares, you need every confidence boost right now – make the effort to look good.
3. Eat 3 meals a day - Get your 5-A-Day, you need those vitamins!